Start of a New Life

 Lets just jump right into this thing. This blog is going to be all about my journey through Jiu Jitsu, how my kids are training with me, the lessons I've learned on the mat which carryover into my parenting, marriage and life, and a bunch of other shit relating to Jiu Jitsu in my life. We will get into mental health, techniques I like, life lessons, raising kids in this crazy world, balancing life and so much more but first where are we today and how we got here.

I started Jiu Jitsu May 20th 2020, right in the middle of a global pandemic. When the world was supposed to be staying away from each other I decided I'd get into a sport where it is impossible to social distance. The lockdowns and pandemic were wreaking havoc on my mental health. Like a lot of other people I was super depressed and didn't know how to get out of my slump. The pandemic and isolation didn't cause my depression but it made it so much worse. I had been in a battle with depression and anxiety for around 3 years when the pandemic started.

In 2017 I was working as a contractor for Wells Fargo, just starting to head down a career path in IT and computer programming. My contract was coming to an end and it wasn't in the budget to hire me on full time so I was laid off. My wife was already scheduled to have a major hip surgery a month after this happened. She was having a PAO surgery to try and correct her hip dysplasia which would require 9+ weeks on crutches, zero weight bearing. She has always stayed home with our 3 kids and was going to need a lot of help during this time. We decided I would stay laid off and help around the house.

That 9 week layoff turned into 9 months without employment. For the first time in our 10 year marriage I wasn't supporting my family financially. I felt like I wasn't a man and providing for them how I should be. We had to go on all the government assistance programs and cut back on expenses as much as possible. For the first time in 6+ years I was no longer working out daily, we couldn't afford the gym dues. The combination of all of this caused me to go into a deep depression. When I finally got a new job in Feb 2018 I hated it. I hated my boss and didn't like the work I was doing but I was finally providing for my family again. I couldn't seem to get back into the habit of working out and I dreaded going to work every day. So the depression continued. I thought a new job would help with my mood and after a year of being miserable at work every day I got a new job at a different company and started enjoying work again. But my depression had too big of a hold on me at this point. I was on my third medication to try and get it under control. The medications took a while to start working, they would work for a month or two then all my emotions would go away. I would feel nothing, emptiness, no joy, no sadness, no anger, literally no feelings. Three medications and they all went just like that.

I put my wife through hell for those 3+ years. I was so disconnected from her, from the kids, from reality, it was scary. My kids were getting old enough they started to notice that dad was never happy. Never wanted to play with them or go do family things. It breaks my heart thinking back about it now. So I was in this constant cycle of depression and disconnect then the pandemic hits. I'm forced to work from home, all three kids home from school, wife is working part time at a food pantry so she gets to leave and work while I stayed home with the kids 24/7. My depression was no longer an up and down cycle it was rolling downhill at full speed heading for a terrible ending.

I've known about Jiu Jitsu for a long time now, I tried it early in my 20s but couldn't afford to do it regularly. I knew I needed to get back into working out to try and help with my mental situation so I finally decided to say fuck it and just go for it. I signed up a week before covid started getting real serious. My wife and family were uncomfortable with me starting Jiu Jitsu because of Covid so I waited another 2 months until I just couldn't wait any longer. May 20th 2020 my life changed forever. Jiu Jitsu has saved my life and I can't express what it means to me now. In future posts I'll attempt to explain just how it's saved me and the numerous benefits I've gotten from it. My Jiu Jitsu journey has just begun and I hope to bring as many of you along for the ride as possible!